Someone out there

Suddenly tis man came back to my life.. P! First thing striked my mind was " Wow.. It's been 9 years since i last saw him"How can that be... Well.. why not? I'm 30 this year... All because of Jen, suddenly i wonder why must she tell me that she saw him.. at times, it's better not to know, not to see. I know i still got feeling towards him, that's the most scary part.. of course, i know my status now too.. I'm Married... Anyway, i knew it's impossible, last time, now and future.. it's not gonna be possible for us to be together.. forever.. In fact, the ending was not what i had expected, I thought he must be back to his family 9 years ago, make up to the wife and children, forget about me and live happily ever. I don't and never wanted him to remember me. As far as i am concern, I just want him to be happy, wherever he go, whatever he do, whoever he was with. It Hurts when i found out that for the last 9 years, there is no one to care for him, listen to him and share with him. How is it possible to let go everything he has and leave behind the family, how is it that he refused to let go before i left him, why must he do it after i have made up my mind to go. He could have come back to me 9 years ago. How can he be so cruel, not to call me and talk to me. Perhap, he too.. don;t know what he wants. He knew all along what i have went through, losing my loved ones, he can even tell Jen how shattered i was when i lost my precious nephew. He saw it, he was there but i was blinded by tears.. I didn't get to see him at all. Think back, if i were to see him, i'm sure the one got hurt will be my husband, I know i will run to him, without second thought. Anyway, He told jen he just wanted to know that i'm fine and nothing else, Jen told him it won't be convenient to give him my no, and he says he is afraid to call me, because he don't want to hurt me again. Me too, I don;t want to get hurt and hurt others too.