What a November

Went thru ups an downs the whole week (though the week had not ended yet). Lots of memories just came up and can't stop crying.. When was the last time I behaved like a cry baby? Quite awhile I guess. Those who know me will know what and why I was triggered to behave this way.

Anyway, I thought after the funeral of yesterday, it's a closure and we should get back to our normal pace. Yet this morning when I call my best friend, Jen(whatever I'm unhappy about her is another issue, don't deny the fact she's one of my best friend) to find out about her dad chemo session, and after a short conversation feel something is bothering her, cos she don't sound her usual tone. She said " I wanted to end my life, I wanted to die erica! *BOMB* Scary isn't it? Your best friend just told you right on your face, she wanted to COMMIT SUICIDE! Someone who have everything, just came back from a shopping spree at BBK told you she wanna die? WHY??? She told me she have this thought lately, it's frightening her so she went to the doctor and confirmed she suffering from depression. What causes that, she felt she is taking in too much of everything, she couldn't let go of her mum's death, she stressed over her dad condition, her son, her hubby and everything! I told her, she have too much time till she have all these silly thought. She lost interest in everything ( weird cos she DID NOT shop at all in BBK) It's a sign… She needs someone to talk to, but she dare not call me cos she don't wanna trigger all my sad memories which I had put down. I once suffered from depression too.. but I managed to get over it, with medication and will power I guess. I told her, it's heart breaking to see loved ones died, I do not want people who love me to be sad, that's why I cannot die! Life is fragil and to me it's not that interesting at all, but God gives us lives, when it's time to take back from us, HE will do so.

At times we just have to let go… there are too many unhappiness in this world, but what can we do? That's part of life.. Dying might have end our misery, but it will contirbute problems and sadness to those who love us.. so why be selfish? Tomorrow will be better, if I can walk out of it, I'm sure she will be able to do so. . What a Novemeber……….

p.s Money won't stop you from dying… Friends who care do…

Life is so Fragil

Over the weekend was a full of shocks and sadness. My nephew's friend Xiaohuan passed away suddenly on a saturday afternoon, leaving behind and 1yrs old little girl. It's too of a shock for all of us. She was alright, no sypthom at all, she was fine month ago when she came over to my place, I haven't even got the chance to develope the picture taken on that day and i still clearly remembered what she told me on that day, how much she is looking forward to move to her new house. 2 weeks ago, when she went over to my sister's place, my sister even told her by chinese new year, the chilli she loves will bear tonnes of fruit, by then she will be able to indulge herself. few days ago on FB she even comment and agree on things i said, she even send me gift for my cafe world. Yet now she's gone...
Went to the wake, it's really heartbreaking, seeing how cute the little girl, how intelligent she is, singing for all of us, and when asked who taught her.. reply was " Ma ma"... and all of us, man & woman burst out crying... she is so cute.. cos she grow up in lots of love from her mummy.. she might be a young mama, she's only 24 but she is really a good mummy. She gave her all the best, she taught her everything she knows. Now that she's gone, i'm sure it's hard for her to leave, she must be in pain, pain to leave behind a loving husband and cute little one. It's sad when the little one stares at her pic and said " pray pray" " mama" when bedtime for her she starts searching high and low for the mama.. this is too much for all of us... What we can really do now is to promise her we will let little jerlin have all our love and care, we will make sure she grow up to be a fine lady and even though she lost her mummy, she will have all of us as her mummy.
 
Xiao Huan, Rest in Peace, you will be missed and we will take care of your little girl and support Keith. Just follow the light and let Buddha lead you the way.. we will be there for your little girl... Ah yi promised.